EP 141 SLOW DOWN TO SPEED UP

That Urgency You Feel? That’s Not Actually Yours

A few weeks ago, I got a loud and crunchy message from the Universe (in the form of a broken toe, taking me out of commission two weeks before my retreat…) Message: “YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST, MY LOVE. Sit down please. Slow down to speed up. Don’t make me ask again.”

I always feel that energy in the summer – so much to do and see and experience. Feeling like I am somehow just never doing enough. A million ideas and projects ready to be created but not started. Dipping into overwhelm and therefore paralysis because I can’t choose a direction and focus in it. Feeling like I’m never where I’m supposed to be exactly.

I consciously believe and practice the opposite – that I am always in the right place at the right time, that I can’t do it wrong, that everything is always working out for me. And yet there is still often this underlying (subconscious) urgency that I need to go faster and do more.

That somehow if I could just squeeze more out of myself THEN I would get to some zen state of effortless flow and abundance that is out of reach. Because it’s out in front, In the future. Somewhere outside of me, making me chase it. Because I am somehow not doing enough?

Literal insanity! 

My little cracked toe forced me to stop. Stop my walks, my workouts, my inefficient whizzing around my life. It made me see how much time I was wasting being distracted, jacked up on coffee, and half-committed to whatever was in front of me. I was forced to be still and ask for help. To allow myself to receive help from people who love me.

I had no choice but to follow doctor’s orders and rest. And what happened was a deluge. My stillness created a portal through which oceans of emotion were unearthed. Feelings of shame and unworthiness rose to the surface like an ancient flash flood and floored me. My body began making all kinds of symptoms in protest as it is known to do. I went to a sweat lodge with an elder and sobbed from a hidden place I have only reached a few times in my life.

How many of us are running unconscious programs of unworthiness playing themselves out through production and performance instead of presence? 

What would happen if you opened space in your day? Your heart?

Stillness and slowness create space to feel. To understand. Epiphanies will rise into your awareness that you were too busy to receive before. Taking a saunter down the same street you’ve walked dozens of time will suddenly feel new and fresh because you are actually present and paying attention.

Through working with Gene Keys and Human Design, I finally realized, the urgency isn’t mine.

I actually am not a fast-paced, running myself down person. I am a manifesting generator who needs to gather myself and my energy before acting. When I follow the dominant paradigm, I am actively sabotaging my own nervous system. 

So this weekend at Resonance, I threw coffee in the fire. I refuse to give up any more of my power to things that provide artificial and temporary boosts, but make you pay later. I feel the fire of today’s full moon asking for more release, more slowness.

It’s daring us to receive its energy instead of trying to fight with it.

The way to breakthrough and uplevel is not “do more and go faster,” it’s put it all down. Give yourself unconditional permission to feel it all. To let it all fall away. And to trust life to surprise and amaze you with it’s rich texture and detail. To ask for and receive help. To share the labor of life with gratitude and to stop thinking we need to do it all ourselves.

Create space. Be present. And the way will open.

Love, 

Sinclair