the tyranny of perfectionism people pleasing psychedelic integration podcast sinclair fleetwood

The tyranny of perfectionism is that it overtakes your authenticity and drowns out your uniqueness. It can become a debilitating way that we cause violence and self-harm to ourselves. Perfectionism is touted as this wonderful trait, but it’s truly a path to anxiety, not enoughness, and pain. And while perfectionism can often inspire hard work and excellence, it’s time to ask yourself, “At what cost?” This episode digs into how perfectionism can be a tool of self-criticism and paralysis that creates a state of constant disappointment. Because by definition, perfection is not attainable or sustainable. 


In this episode, Sinclair shares about:

  • Perfectionism as a pathology program put on us by the system
  • When you are perfect, you then have permission to feel good, be happy, and enjoy
  • The idea of perfectionism as an extension of rightness, appropriateness, and belonging
  • Perfectionism as a coping mechanism, often developed as a child
  • Where does the need to do it right come from?
  • Performing for love and affection, associating doing well with receiving attention and belonging
  • The desire to people please (teachers, parents, friends) and to be a “good” girl or boy
  • Learning shame when you step out of line with your personality or way of being
  • Getting told by the world that being “me” is not ok, and so you deny your authenticity
  • Competition with yourself and with others
  • Onboarding the voice of not enoughness and turning it on yourself as your own inner critic
  • The pressure you create to perform and exist in a certain way makes authenticity impossible
  • Perfectionism is a tool of capitalism and patriarchal society that enables us to victimize ourselves so that we don’t have the presence or power to make real changes
  • There is no shame in perfectionism or any of these coping mechanisms
  • Our role is to witness ourselves in unconscious patterns and make it conscious
  • The material things don’t give us happiness, it comes from within
  • You are valuable without any achievements or accolades
  • External validation is normal and fine in moderation, it’s when that’s the only way you can feel good that it gets difficult
  • Peace comes from KNOWING you are enough
  • How perfectionism grows when you don’t trust other people, you teach other people that their energy isn’t needed or wanted, so they stop trying
  • How this shows up between men and women, the masculine and feminine, and how it harms everyone
  • What to do when you recognize that you have perfectionist tendencies
  • It’s not your fault, you are a spirit being responding to an environment that is sick
  • Taking the raw materials of and alchemizing it softly into something bigger and more beneficial
  • Giving yourself permission to fuck things up on purpose
  • Existing and being exactly as you are in the messy realness of your life
  • Fuck it, who cares? feels safe. Radically accepting my humanness and my messiness
  • You deserve love right now, exactly how you are
  • The spiritual path cannot be another way that we flog ourselves
  • To choose to be happy is a radical act
  • Thank you perfectionism for helping me to do my best, but it no longer serves
  • Dropping perfectionism puts you face to face with your shadow
  • Treating your shadow like a wild bear in the forest
  • Unlearning that it’s bad to age, hiding your imperfections, hide your fat, don’t be real
  • Shedding your layers of perfectionism allows space for something else to come through
  • Find your juice! Where’s the juice? Where’s your magic?
  • Let’s be love, creativity, connected, do what feels good

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